I know it’s
totally cliché to write about goals in the new year – but I make no apologies. I’m
a romance writer and, what can I say, sometimes I love predictability and being
cliché. Like many people, I’ve made a list of the changes I’d like to make in
2020. Nothing big. Nothing earthshattering. Just twenty simple acts towards
changing my life for the better. The great thing is that these are very
achievable goals; bite-sized bits to bettering myself that anyone can get in on
if they’d like. Please note these are not in any particular order. I’m an
expressive, not an analytical, and while I enjoy writing, I do NOT enjoy
painstakingly aligning lists in order of preference or importance. These are,
instead, my random top twenty. Here we go…
20. Visit family members more
I recently heard someone say, “make the time before you run out of time.” It stuck with me. So, family members – you’ve been warned. I may be crashing your casas more than usual over the next 360-ish days. Most of my family members (parents, siblings, etc.) live within a thirty-mile radius; yet it seems the only time we spend any real time together is birthdays and holidays. I want to meet my sister for coffee, or my parents for dinner. I want to drop in on my in-laws for a quick chat. I’ve also heard it said, “you make time for what’s important,” and that’s exactly what I plan to do.
19. Read more dad jokes
I want to read more of these: fun, clean, super-dumb dad jokes. My kids like to tell them and the more I hear them, the funnier they are. My husband has an app that sends him one new dad joke a day. I always get a chuckle when he shares them. Here’s one for your reading pleasure:
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put it down!
You’re welcome! 😉
18. Take a mental health day. Maybe two
This year I want to carve out a day to just decompress. All. By. Myself. I’m going to throw guilt out the window, pick a weekday (so kiddos are at school and hubby is at work), stay in my PJs, and binge-watch one of those shows everyone talks about that I haven’t gotten around to. Finishing Downton Abbey is next on the list but I’m open to suggestions.
17. Make more time for snuggle time
I’m a snuggler and a hugger at heart. But I’m also notorious for getting up during family movie time to fold clothes, wipe off countertops, or organize a cupboard or two. In the future I want to take the time to snuggle with the kids – snuggle with my hubby – snuggle with the dogs. It’s easy to eat up an evening running around doing household chores. But I’ve never regretted slowing down to make time for snuggle time – it’s like therapy – and I need more of it.
16. Add one small, conscious act of kindness per day
I’d like to think I perform at least one kind act per day. I’m sure we all do. But in 2020 I want to make a conscious decision to ensure that I do. It can be as simple as holding the door open for a stranger; or texting words of encouragement to a friend. Kindness is free. It’s also contagious.
15. Say ‘yes’ more often
I actually started this a little before the New Year. I’m focusing on making the time and saying ‘yes’ to lunch with friends or my monthly book club meetings. I want to tackle that new hobby I was considering. I love spontaneity but sometimes it’s trumped by laziness or feeling like there isn’t any time, and I turn down those out-of-the-blue invites I would otherwise enjoy being a part of. Going forward, I want to make the time. It’s a rare occasion when I regret trying something new.
14. Learn to say ‘no’
Seems like I just did a 180 (refer to number 15) but quite the contrary. I want to starting saying ‘no’ to the things that don’t matter so I can have time to say ‘yes’ to the things that do. It’s about prioritization, really, and finding balance. It’s also about setting pride and ego aside to say ‘no’ to things that might further my career or social standing if those things don’t also fit with my priorities. I may just have to turn down that extra assignment at work to spend more time with the family. I can live with that.
13. Drink more water
I’m not going to commit to exercise – I hate it. I’m not going to say I’ll eat healthier – I love sugar and caffeine far too much. But I will commit to drinking more water. I’m going to invest in a nice water bottle and bring it with me in the car. I’ll commit to taking that break at work to walk down the hall and refill my water cup. I’m actually excited about this one. Who doesn’t want to feel better while having more radiant skin?
12. Wear sunscreen
And speaking of more radiant skin … this is the year I will commit to wearing sunscreen. As a product of the 80’s, I grew up basking in the sun while liberally spreading coconut oil over my face and legs. I now have the sunspots spackled across my skin to prove it (notice I didn’t refer to them as “age spots”). I’m not getting any younger, and I still love to lay out in the sun for hours … so I think I’ll give my poor skin a rest and at least lather on the SPF30.
11. Just breathe
I’m not going to lie – sometimes I can get spun up and get spun up fast. I have learned that pausing to take a breath can help tremendously in calming my nerves and keeping me from reacting too quickly. I’ve also learned that taking a pause prevents me from lashing out in ways that I will later regret. In 2020 I want to practice the art of being slow to anger and quick to love.
10. Carve out time for your passion
For me, this would equate to doing more writing. Like any other passion, once money and deadlines get involved, that passion turns to “work” and somehow loses its luster. In 2020 I want to go back to the reason I started writing: for the fun of it. I may publish two books. I may just bore the public with endless blogs. Whatever I decide to write, it’ll be because it’s my passion; a hobby I find fulfilling versus any sort of obligation. So, if you find me less on social media, please don’t mistake it for laziness or for losing steam. I’m finding my way back to the passion of writing rather than the business of it. If you’re looking for me, I’ll be curled up on the couch with my laptop and my dogs – refer to # 17.
9. Apologize more
This doesn’t mean I plan to do more things that I’ll need to apologize for. But I have learned it’s hard for me to apologize, even when I know I’m wrong. I’ll often brush it off with humor or wait until the argument blows over. But in 2020, I want to apologize when I know I’m wrong. It takes nothing except, perhaps, swallowing a bit of pride. I will warn you though, I’m rarely wrong, so… (kidding).
8. Worry less
One of the great things about getting older (and no, it’s not the sunspots) is that I start to care less and less what people think. Not in a bad way. I don’t go around trampling over other people’s feelings because my give-a-dern is broken. But I do enjoy expressing myself more without worrying about what other people’s opinions will be on the matter. My confidence has grown and I’m excited to continue this the older I get.
7. Expand your playlist
With less worrying comes the prospect of branching out of my comfort zone. In 2020 I want to make new friends but take strides to better friendships with longtime friends. I want to branch out at work – tackling new tasks I find interesting but I might have otherwise been too apprehensive to try. And in my writing, I can’t WAIT to branch out into new genres. I may even write a horror story – you never know.
6. Floss more
If my dentist saw this, it would make him smile. I don’t look forward to the lecture I get from him every six months when I admit I’m not the greatest at flossing daily. This year I’m going to make an effort to floss more often. It only takes minutes and I know my teeth and gums will thank me.
5. Practice purposeful spending
I don’t want to make a resolution to go on a strict budget. What I do want to achieve is taking a pause before spending those hard-earned dollars. I want to ask the questions: do I need this? Will it make me happy or just add to clutter? When we diet, we make a conscious decision about the types of foods we put in our bodies. I want to practice that same purposeful decision-making each time I slide my debit card or put that extra item into my shopping cart.
4. Forgive with a vengeance
This year I’ll be all about forgiveness. This doesn’t mean I’ll let everyone walk all over me. But it is about realizing no one is perfect and cutting them some slack. I’ve learned forgiveness is all about forgiving for yourself. Even if it doesn’t seem like someone deserves forgiveness, harboring a grudge typically only hurts the person harboring it. I’m going to let go, forgive, and be at peace with it. And hopefully I’ll find some forgiveness in return (after I’ve accomplished #9 and have apologized profusely for my shortcomings).
3. Eat in more
We all do it – we get so busy that by the end of the day a quick run through the drive-thru seems like the best and only feasible option for dinner. Over the year my goal is to increase the times my family eats in. This will help with #5 (purposeful spending), healthier eating, and more precious family time as we gather around the table and discuss our days. I do realize that more gathering around the table may lead to some exhausting evenings (refer to earlier blog) but I’m up for it.
2. Reduce screen time
Like many others I’m quick to notice others buried in their phones or other electronics, and judge accordingly, but I make excuses when I’m just as guilty. “I’m promoting my books,” “I’m collaborating with other authors,” or “I’m studying my craft,” just to call out a few of my excuses when I spend more time on social media than I should. Going forward I’m going to make a more concerted effort to limit my screen time and the screen time of my family. So, if you see my family and me mall-walking, know we’re really trying to accomplish this goal but may have run out of ideas.
1. Seek spiritual fulfillment
I almost didn’t list this one because, while it’s definitely on my list, it’s such a unique and personal thing to each individual and talking about it can make people feel uncomfortable. But regardless of beliefs or upbringing, most everyone has something that makes them feel centered or brings them inner peace. For some it’s daily prayer and devotions. For others it may be special crystals. Regardless, I think it’s important for everyone to explore their beliefs and find out what really fulfills them. What grounds them. I really want to slow down and seek to understand what this is for me personally. I’m looking forward to the peace and fulfillment it brings.
That’s it – my random top-twenty. If you have others to add, I’d love to hear them. Happy New Year and may all our resolutions last longer than a couple weeks!