This blog concept has been in the works for a while – not developing on paper; rather, bouncing around in my head. Like many of my blog entries, the topic is personal, but written with the hope it will help others in some way. Struggle is, I don’t want it to sound pontifical (love that a word meaning pompous actually sounds pompous when it rolls off the tongue … enjoy the humor). The solution: pretend you’re reading a diary entry I wrote, then glean what you’d like. How’s that? Sort of exciting and deliciously voyeuristic, right?
So… Dear Diary…
The premise rattling around in my mind is this: You are the only qualified appraiser of your worth. Stop undervaluing it. Think about your experience on Zillow. People believe the home value as presented. Why? Because Zillow is the accepted expert. Now turn that logic to yourself. You are the only expert on you. Nobody else is competent in this area. Therefore, you determine your value. You control the market. And guess what, the market just went up. Why? Because you said it did.
Ever study the flyer of a house for sale? The realtor highlights the spacious living room, tiled entryway, and remodeled master bath. What isn’t advertised is the outdated carpet in the hallway or the diseased tree in the backyard. Whomever chooses to love that home accepts the full package deal. The good and the bad. What you present to people, they will accept. Talk negatively about yourself, others will believe it. Avoid the urge to point out all your flaws – let your strengths and talents shine. Tim McGraw sings for us to “Be Humble and Kind.” If you look up the definition of humble, it can range in meaning. Modest, respectful, and free from vanity – sure, sing it Tim. But a low estimate of one’s own importance? No! Self-deprecating humor aside, it’s important to present the full value of you. There’s no need to offer a discount – you’re worth every penny. Don’t let people walk all over you. Teach them to be respectful of your time while you’re respectful of theirs. Let’s be honest, some days you don’t feel like much. Those are the days you might have to fake it. Treat YOURSELF how you want to be treated.
It’s human nature to hear the word value and think in monetary terms. Set that term aside. I participated in a panel at work the other day where junior staff could ask us old-timers for career advice. Someone asked me how I measure success. I limited my response to my career. I answered that, at the end of the work day, success is knowing I helped someone, made an impact, and remained kind. Success is building a reputation of being both reliable and approachable. Notice the almighty dollar didn’t come into play. What I didn’t say, is some days success is getting through the day without closing my office door and curling up in a ball under the desk to avoid the stress. I also didn’t reveal that public speaking terrifies me, despite it being a big part of my job, and at that moment, success for me would be getting through the darn panel. I imagine either one of those responses would have raised a few eyebrows.
Back at home, I thought about that same question from a different perspective: In my life, how do I measure success? How would I rate my success on a scale of 1 – 10? What factors define that scale, and how do I present that rating to others?
If I was being honest, much of what I was measuring myself against were other people’s ideals and opinions. As a wife and mother, I often compared myself to the PTA moms who host bake sales and volunteer in the classroom every week. My work schedule makes volunteering at the school limited. My kids have hot lunch daily, cookies are store bought, and dinners are often crockpot-style. Or UberEats. Or drive-thru. Lots of breakfast-for-dinner. As an author, I measured myself against other authors and felt deflated by low book sales or not reaching the “recommended” daily word count on my work-in-progress.
Measuring against the opinion of others is a no-win situation that brought me to an important realization: If you feel like you’re not measuring up, maybe it’s time to find a different measuring stick. Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop obsessing over the number of likes or followers on social media (this concept is harder to swallow relative to my author platforms as opposed to my personal ones); and instead concentrate on the things that matter. Throw the old measuring stick away. Success isn’t the amount on the paycheck or the monthly royalty deposit. It’s certainly not how many people visited my website over the past week. New measuring stick: As a wife and mother, success is having a close relationship with my family. My kiddos can talk to me about anything (sometimes to my chagrin). Oh, the stories they’ve shared – but I wouldn’t change a thing. My hubby and I can honestly say we’re great friends who enjoy each other’s company. Sadly, not every relationship can claim that victory. As an author, my new measure of success is hearing someone say they enjoyed something I wrote. Or how about just being content that I completed a book? Two, actually. That’s a success in of itself to celebrate. Think quality, not quantity (I originally typed that backwards; I need to stop trying to multi-task). Substance over abundance.
Going forward, find a new way to measure success. Accept your greatness, then project that greatness to others. Take down the Price Reduced sign. Consider that the price was set too low in the first place. Go out there and be you like nobody else can. Sappy enough for you? Blame the Hallmark Christmas movie playing in the background. Good night all.