This is one of my favorites. Some people are grouchy. Some people are flat out NOT nice. These are facts. But most people cannot continue operating at their level of rudeness when you answer their discourtesy with absolute, pure, and genuine kindness. Now it may take a bit – but it’s almost comical to watch. The more someone lays on the “rude,” the more you answer back with kindness, and just sit back and watch the magic.
Don’t get me wrong on this one. I’m not asking you to play the part of a human doormat. I’m also not suggesting that you put yourself in harm’s way. If someone confronts you on the street and threatens to take your wallet, your rewarding, heartfelt smile probably isn’t going to melt the perp’s heart of stone. But the truth is that most reasonable people will start to feel uncomfortable if they continue to be offensive and your only recourse is compassion.
I remember when I was in school, there was a girl in my class (we’ll call her “Sasha”) that flat out did not like me – and she didn’t try to hide it. Maybe I looked at her wrong. Perhaps she thought she was better than me. I know for darn sure she wasn’t jealous of my artistic or athletic abilities. Whatever the reason, Sasha would say cutting things to me on a daily basis. My first approach was to lash back with my own biting remarks. As you may imagine, all this did was escalate the situation.
One day I was complaining about the situation to my mother, and she told me, “all you can do is be nice.” That answer ticked me off, to be frank. I had just poured out my troubles to my mom and all she could tell me was “be nice?” Seriously?
Despite my reservations, I tried it. Day 1 was hard. I held my tongue when the first insult came. Oddly enough, my silence meant that Sasha didn’t fire out a second or third insult, so I was already making progress. On the second day, I smiled at Sasha as she passed my chair. This gave her pause. She looked genuinely confused as she walked past me (and, mind you, she was also silent and insult-free). I could start to see the impact of my actions, and it inspired me to turn my forced kindness into genuine compassion.
I began to feel real warmth in my actions towards Sasha, knowing those actions came from a good place. Each school day I told her, “good morning.” One day I asked her at lunch if she wanted to sit at my table of friends (Sasha didn’t have many friends of her own). Before long Sasha was not only no longer hateful, she was friendly! Honest to goodness friendly!
Now as I said, this won’t work on everyone – but I encourage you to give it a try. At the end of the day, you will at least feel better about yourself knowing you didn’t sink to anyone’s level.